Zelienople author pens illustrated book to explain grief to children
A new children’s book features a monster that was born out of the grief of its author, but the creation is not meant to strictly provoke fear in its readers.
“The Grief Monster” is by first-time author Laurie Cowin, of Zelienople, who is a magazine editor by profession, but she delved into the world of illustrated fiction after her husband, Brian Cowin, died in March 2023. The book is the result of the ensuing experiences she and her two young children had navigating the loss and the feelings that came with it.
It was mainly their experiences with Highmark Caring Place that led Cowin to try to capture those feelings in a book, which she initially wrote for herself and her children.
“Grief is ever-changing, and it’s like maybe I can write it down in really simple terms, and I came up with this idea of a monster,” Cowin said. “It was one of those projects that I wanted to do for me, for our family, and it has really turned into something bigger that I love getting to share with people.”
Highmark Caring Place is a center for grieving children, adolescents and their families. It operates as a safe place for them to come together and be with others who understand what they’re going through. There are four Caring Places around Pennsylvania, including one in Marshall Township, Allegheny County, which services many residents of Butler County, according to its director, Krista Ball.
It’s not often that a client of the Caring Place pens a book relating to their experience with the organization, but Ball said some people have referenced it in memoirs they write after going through its programming. This is the first children’s book she knows of that was spawned from experience with the Caring Place.
Cowin explained that attending the Caring Place and its activities with her children led to a better understanding of the feelings they had after the death of her husband and their father. She said being around other people who have experienced loss helped her and her children acclimate to life without Brian Cowin.
“Death is hard to talk about and hard to understand, but once you do, it’s permanent, it doesn’t change,” Cowin said. “But grief and that emotion, that does change, and that can feel really confusing to adults. It’s really hard for kids to understand.”
Brian Douglas Cowin, 39, of Fombell, died March 19, 2023, according to his obituary. Cowin said his death was sudden, and her children were 4 years old and 8 months old when he died.
Her younger son was too young to understand what was going on, but the death was her older son’s introduction to the concept.
“It was this huge life disruption and he was at an age where we haven’t even talked about death yet,” Cowin said. “It’s like there’s so much we need to understand and work through in an age-appropriate way.”
Ball said the Caring Place has programs aimed at children and adults, with some for a specific age group and others being for the whole family. She said the feelings that come after a death cannot only be hard to cope with, but confusing to people going through them.
“Especially when you’re early in your grief journey and your grief is so all-consuming, you think that ‘I’ll never move out of this,’” Ball said. “There are going to be days where it’s not so ever-present, or a day full of good memories or good feelings and that’s OK too. It just kind of helps to validate all of that for kids.”
The Caring Place has support groups and educational sessions. Attendees participate in group activities such as arts and crafts and creative writing that help physically manifest their feelings.
Cowin wrote “The Grief Monster,” but the book is illustrated by Robin Hann Leon, an Illinois-based illustrator. Cowin said that although it’s not a focus of the book, she and her children are depicted in it, which Ball said is special to see.
Cowin also said that after reading her book to children and families — including at a reading for other Caring Place families — she has received positive feedback about it. Adults have given her feedback, which Cowin found surprising.
“Kids really notice the colors of the book, it’s got like kind of a darker color theme and then it lightens, so kids have commented on a lot of that,” she said.
“A lot of adults that I talked to, they look at me and go, ‘Laurie, this is not a children’s book, it’s for adults, too.’”
Cowin self published “The Grief Monster,” but it is being sold by major retailers, including online sources like Barnes & Noble and Amazon.
She said just seeing people’s reaction to reading the book and understanding her own perspective has been a reward all its own.
“At first you hear the word ‘Monster,’ you think ‘This is something scary, this is something I should run away from and try to fight back against,’” Cowin said. “But it’s not necessarily an enemy. It’s not something to run away from, it’s this big, confusing ever-changing emotion that sometimes feels huge and suffocating and crippling, but at the same time, we can learn how to carry it in a way that simply exists as part of our lives.”
Ball commented that the book is not strictly about death. People may be able to relate to it no matter what kind of distress they are experiencing.
“I think Laurie’s book, the way that it is written, is so relatable for a child going through any type of loss and really helps to explain that journey of grief as it relates to other types of loss,” she said.
Ball also said the Caring Place has selected Cowin and her book as the partner of the organization’s Caring Team for Grieving Children, which distributes materials to more than 800 elementary schools throughout Pennsylvania. The Caring Team provides resources to these 800 schools. This school year, it will distribute Cowin’s book around the state.
Cowin said she hopes to help grieving individuals through her book, having written it in part to dispel misconceptions about the feelings of loss. She said the Caring Place helped her get past her notion that grief is a process.
“My understanding of grief, my growing acceptance of it, I don't think would be possible without the Caring Place,” Cowin said. “There are the phases of grief that you don’t go through in a certain order, you bounce back between and there’s no end date. Being at the Caring Place has really helped me understand that, and I’d love for other people to understand that too.”
